Bad Ass Jokes | |||||||||||||||||
| The best jokes on the internet, We have sex jokes,lebian/gay jokes,teen jokes,ect we also have sound jokes and lots and lots of pics. If your under 18 get out exit now! | ||||||||||||||||
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HUSBEN&WIFE Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits, and then tells his wife... we'll take all three of them. They then go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. From there they go to the Jewelry Dept. and get a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the Husband says... "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!! Women's Compact Instruction Booklet 1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. 2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. 3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. 5. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. 6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there. 7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse. 8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone. 9. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks. 10. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis. 11. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway. 12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay. 13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart. 14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. 15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it. 17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 20. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. 21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright, I'll stay the night." 22. Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with. 23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes,it means you laugh at his. 24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing. 25. Sadly, all men are created equal. 26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be, you look familiar." | ||||||||||||||||
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